6 wonderfully weird weapons in Square Enix gamesFrom a plush moogle to a Very Good Dog, we share some of the strangest weapons in Square Enix games.
Square Enix games let us play with all kinds of amazing weapons, from the imaginative awesomeness of gunblades, to the iconic glory of Cloud’s Buster Sword. But sometimes we’re presented with something that’s a bit… weird.
Yet while unconventional, these odd armaments often turn out to be among the most fun to play with. We wanted to shine a spotlight on some of our favorites and celebrate those weapons that are more than just weird - they’re also wonderful.
Sant’ Angelo di Roma - FINAL FANTASY VIII Remastered
Here’s a riddle for you: what’s stronger than a sword and mightier than a missile launcher? There’s only one possible answer of course: a dog.
Sant’ Angelo di Roma, or ‘Angelo’ to her pals, is FINAL FANTASY VIII Remastered hero Rinoa’s barking buddy, and far from a conventional canine. When her master’s in trouble, this faithful pooch races to the rescue, diving in to help and heal as needed.
One of her most powerful techniques is the truly awesome Angelo Cannon. Angelo jumps into Rinoa’s arms, and is fired off like a missile, causing an explosive inferno that devastates enemies.
This is objectively brilliant… if a little odd. For example, it’s not clearly explained in the game how Angelo launches so violently off Rinoa’s arm (although if she’s anything like my old dog, she can produce a steady supply of her own gas, so I’m willing to go with it).
What’s crazier though is the way she causes violent explosions whenever she hits her target. Perhaps she’s just an example of the Galbadian Bombhound - a rare dog breed that is totally canon and not completely made-up just now.
…ok, I made it up.
Glacial Getaway - NEO: The World Ends with You
Ever impaled a malevolent frog on a razor-sharp pillar of ice? If not, you haven’t lived.
In the dangerous world of NEO: The World Ends with You, your greatest weapon is your mind.
Rindo and his team of Wicked Twisters are able to equip stylish pins that let them unlock all kinds of psychic powers. From jets of fire to super-sweet beams of energy, the game is full of abilities that are as awesome as they are unusual.
Honestly, there are loads that we could pick, but one of the coolest (pun shamelessly intended) from the early game is the Glacial Getaway pin. This lets the wielder create a giant dagger of ice from the ground up, giving any foes standing above it a frosty surprise.
If you’re looking for an awesome weapon to help you find your chill, this is definitely one to go with.
Adorable plushies - FINAL FANTASY X HD
What’s your weapon of choice when you enter a battle? A giant greatsword? A formidable firearm? How about an adorable plush?
For FINAL FANTASY X’s Lulu, it’s option 3 - she steps bravely onto the field of battle armed with nothing more than a range of delightful dolls. Whether she’s wielding a mighty moogle or cutesy Cait Sith, these huggable heroes will stroll over to an enemy and give them a good ol’ whack.
In truth, these dolls are better at augmenting Lulu’s impressive magic powers than dealing direct damage, but they’re still an invaluable addition to her battle strategy. Even though you have to assume that the sight of a fluffy plushie waddling towards over wouldn’t immediately fill an enemy with terror.
…well maybe these ones would.
Power Washer - PowerWash Simulator
“Hold on,” you might be thinking. “How is a power washer a weapon?!” Well, it’s the greatest weapon there is against dirt.
Whether it’s a grimy garage or a crusty car, no filth can stand against the industrial-level spray of PowerWash Simulator. Armed with super-soaking devices, such as the Urban X U2 and Prime Vista 3000, you have everything you need to clean up the scum-filled town of Muckingham once and for all. And we mean all that literally.
It’s impossible to explain just how weirdly satisfying using these power washers is. Seeing an object like an RV or helicopter go from brown and out to sparkling like new just feels… great. It’s also wonderfully relaxing - the only pressure here is in the water stream.
That said, if you do want to add some tension, you could try the recently added Challenge Mode, where you wash against the clock. Some of these washes can be pretty challenging with a ticking timer, so get ready to spray and pray…
The Cacstar - FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE INTERGRADE
If you’re going to start trouble, why not do it by throwing around an icon?
This DLC weapon for the newly released FF7R EPISODE INTERmission is based on a cactuar - one of the FINAL FANTASY series’ most famous and beloved creatures, and it’s like nothing else in Yuffie’s arsenal.
Not only is it very powerful, it also gives the Wutai ninja access to the Cactuar Caper ability - an awesome skill that sets the spiky shuriken zipping round the battlefield like… well, a cactuar.
It’s definitely one of the weirdest weapons in FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE, but in Yuffie’s capable hands, it’s also one of the deadliest.
A fork - FINAL FANTASY IX
The FINAL FANTASY IX party is a diverse bunch when it comes to weapons.
Many members stick to the classics: for example, Zidane adores daggers, Freya likes a lance, and Steiner rocks the classic broadsword with his signature rusty style.
But some of the party have… quirkier tastes when it comes to damage-dealers, and none more so than gourmand and notorious frog-botherer Quina.
This hungry Qu races into battle with… a fork. Just a fork.
It doesn’t sound particularly threatening, more suited to scooping up spaghetti than mashing monsters. Yet in their hands this simple piece of cutlery become a multi-pronged implement of destruction, capable of taking away HP as efficiently as any blade.
Those were just a few of the wonderfully weird weapons that have appeared in Square Enix games. We’re sure you have a few suggestions of your own, so why not share them with us on social media:
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