6 Square Enix bosses who are total pushoversThey may look terrifying, but their bark is far worse than their bite!
Every so often, you come across a terrifying enemy in a game that makes you go… ‘uh-oh.’
These big, burly baddies may fill you with fear - tense and clenched, you prepare yourself for a brutal battle that will test you like nothing before. And then… oh. It’s already defeated? Well, that was easier than expected!
Square Enix games aren’t immune to this phenomenon. There are quite a few bosses that present themselves as a challenge but are total pushovers when you know what you’re doing.
Here are just a few of our favorites:
The Guard Scorpion - FINAL FANTASY VII
The first boss in the original FINAL FANTASY VII is iconic. It’s also dramatic, imposing and effortlessly cool… but difficult? Nah, not really.
It has a few powerful attacks at its disposal, but to be honest, the biggest threat you’ll face in this battle comes from Cloud’s… um… ‘helpful’ suggestion to ‘attack while its tail is up!”
(Pro tip if you’re one of the players just starting out on PS Now: DON’T attack while its tail is up.)
In FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE, this boss was reborn as the Scorpion Sentinel, and it’s much more of a threat. Its Mark 99 launchers, EM field and Death Grip attacks can really ruin your day - especially when you’re first starting out in the game. And we haven’t even mentioned its forcefield - that one even takes Cloud by surprise!
In comparison, the original game’s first boss is a cakewalk. Just keep up the attack, use a bit of lightning magic and ignore SOLDIER-boy’s advice, and you can send this mechanical monstrosity to the big junkheap in the sky without breaking a sweat.
Fake President Deling / Gerogero - FINAL FANTASY VIII Remastered
Ugh - you know what it’s like: you perform an elaborate and high-stakes mission on a moving train to kidnap a world leader, only to discover he’s a decoy. Oh, and also a zombie. Mondays, amirite?
When the fake President Deling transforms into the undead Gerogero in FINAL FANTASY VIII Remastered, it can take you by surprise. Physical attacks do reduced damage, and he’s capable of inflicting all kinds of debilitating effects on the party: Slow, Silence, Berserk… all the pieces are in place for a brutal battle.
…except it really isn’t. In fact, the fearsome faux-president can be taken down in a single move. The thing is to consider is that he’s undead - so what would happen if you were to toss some Phoenix Down in his direction?
A single use of FINAL FANTASY series’ traditional resurrection item is all it takes to put Gerogero down for good. It may seem a bit sneaky, but hey - that’s politics the FINAL FANTASY way.
Kammy the Space Llama - Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy
The opening of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy sees the team embark on a risky (and very illegal) mission to capture an elusive beast. The plan is to capture this monster, and sell it to Lady Hellbender - the monster queen of Seknarf Nine - and make major bank in the process.
There’s just one problem with the plan - Peter Quill failed to get a description of the beast in question. Even so, the team heads into the banned Quarantine Zone in search of their prey.
It’s not an easy route - unstable terrain, sneak attacks by lesser beasts, and an especially ill-advised shooting contest leave the mission teetering on the edge of disaster, but eventually the team’s efforts pay off, as an unnerving, red-eyed beast starts tracking them from the shadows.
Its lightning speed make it difficult to track and you blast away in what seems like an epic battle of life and death. And when you finally bring your quarry into the light, you realize… it’s a llama. A decidedly unthreatening space llama.
Ok, so it may not be the boss fight you were expecting, or the prize the team were hoping for, but it’s hard to be mad at something so adorable!
Evil Bridge Troll - Life is Strange: True Colors
How do you take out a big, scary bridge troll who fiercely guards a jewel you need? That’s the problem facing noble heroes Alexandra and Thaynor in Life is Strange: True Colors.
Ok, so it’s really Alex Chen and the young Ethan, involved in some live action role play (LARP). And yes, Alex’s character may go by a different name in your game but I chose Alexandra on my first playthrough, so that’ll always be my personal headcanon!
Regardless, that bridge troll’s a big problem. Any fight’s going to be a bruising encounter - metaphorically at least. If only there was some way to make it easier…
Actually, there are two ways. Everyone has their price, even trolls, and careful explorers may hear rumors about what that price is. Alternatively, a quick trip to the local magic emporium could leave you with a pocket of troll dust - the very thing to put the terrifying creature under your thrall.
Well, I say ‘terrifying’ - considering it’s really just an adorkable park ranger with a silly mask, it’s hard to be too intimidated, right?
Famed Mimic Gogo - FINAL FANTASY V pixel remaster
Gogo, on the other hand, is an intimidating one.
This boss from FINAL FANTASY V can take everything you can dish out and respond tenfold. Use a physical attack, and he’ll pummel you for max damage. Cast a spell in his direction, and he’ll counter with much more powerful magic than you can muster.
It sounds like a difficult fight until you realize something - rather than letting him copy you, you should copy him instead. In other words, as the meme says, the best way to win is by doing nothing.
Don’t attack, don’t cast a spell, just stand there and let the clock run out. That’s all it takes to get this flamboyantly dressed antagonist to Gogo away for good.
Adamantoise - FINAL FANTASY XV
Who says size matters?
The Adamantoise from FINAL FANTASY XV is biggest and most visually impressive boss in a game full of them. Framed against its ample girth, Noctis and his chums are mere specks.
Going at this mountain-sized behemoth with warp attacks and an Engine Blade is a daunting and lengthy process that requires attention, perseverance, a healthy stock of curatives… oh, and some of Ignis’ home cooking probably wouldn’t go awry. Yep - this is a battle for the ages.
…or you could just use the Ring of the Lucii and kill the beast in a single hit.
Of course, it’s not as easy as that - there’s a certain amount of luck involved when you cast the ring’s insta-kill Alterna spell. It may take quite a few tries to take, but it’s straightforward to stay out of the Adamantoise’s range and let your MP recharge for another attempt.
Eventually, the ring will do its thing and the Adamantoise will be obliterated in a sea of sparks and color.
It may not be the most sporting way to take out this majestic foe, but boy is it satisfying!
Those were just some of the Square Enix enemies whose bark turned out to be far worse than their bite.
We’re sure you can think of your own examples, so why not share them with us on social media: